yeah.
work has been wonderful and terrible. im a server at a retirement home so i have to serve food to angry mean old people in a ballroom. ive been working here for a month now. its been pretty good when im not being yelled at by old people. i guess i was on a lucky streak for too long because a few days ago we were missing a dishwasher and it messed everything up. i was an hour and a half late clocking out. tmi but i also got my period that day so it was just really painful. rough day. but anyway i just got sent the schedule for the next 2 weeks and what the fuck. im the only server and theres no dishwasher. i think thats actually physically impossible to do. just thinking about it gives me a headache. im going to get so much shit from people and its not even my fault.
aghhhhhhhhhhhh.
i want to just run away again. i do that quite a lot. i quit a job and run away to a different state for a while. it doesnt matter where i do and what i do because i always eventually end up back home with my dad. its just me and my dad by the way. just in case you were about to shame me for living at home with my parents. i feel guilty enough about not knowing what to do in life. i want to just run away and start all over. i want to forget everything that ever happened to me and just live as a new person in a new place. its so humiliating when people ask me about school and jobs and all that. i didnt go to college and i cant find something that i want to do. i worked at a flower shop near my home and then amazon in a different state off and on for a while. amazon pays a lot but it physically hurts so bad that its hard to keep up with. idk why im a server. i have really bad anxiety and i dont want to subject myself to being screamed at by old people for their food not instantly teleporting in front of them within 5 seconds. im 23 years old and everyone expects me to have my entire life figured out. is it okay that i dont? ive had a rough life and struggled with mental health for as long as i can remember. its okay not to have everything figured out yet right?? can everyone stop looking at me so shamefully?
i dont know who i am or what i want to do. maybe one day i can figure myself out. hopefully sometime soon. i just want to live.